things just got a whole lot more spookier

i'm barbara walters. and i'm hugh downs. and this is 20/20.

lol just kidding. it's me, wade boggs! hello again and welcome to my first special holiday post!

a lot of people have been wondering what i've been up to since i retired from major league baseball in 1999. the jew-run media knows all about my current occupation as high school baseball manager, but there's a deep and dark secret lying deep within the bowels of the earth just waiting to come to the surface via earthquake or land-dolphin.

for the last seven years i have been perfecting the script to my first horror movie! set on the diamond at fenway park, the movie is called "hit by pitch," and it is from the master of suspense that brought you "the record for most consecutive 200-hit seasons" and "two golden glove awards." here is the plot in the shell of a nut.

professional major league baseball player blade woggs is the talk of the town. men want to be him and ladies want to be on top of him. but one day he notices a strange, coarse fur sprouting on his body, not unreminiscent of a werewolf's fur. he goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him that it is natural--that as a man ages, he tends to get hairier in places he was not all too hairy before. however, the physical examination turned up an unexpected and frightening result! blade woggs is turning into a frankenstein's monster! as he slowly transforms, his teammates begin to disappear. it is up to pitcher crodger lemons--who also happens to be a monster hunter--to save the team, revert blade woggs to his normal self, and win the american league pennant!

i am in talks with dimension films to create and distribute my masterpiece, but they have a few suggestions. they want me to change the title to "the strike" and they want me to base it on some japanese movie. also they want it to be about a spooky house instead of baseball. and so begins the second draft of my horror movie script.

i hope you and yours have a happy halloween, and maybe carve a boggs-o-lantern if you (and yours) find the time.