siskel and wadeboggs

i've been avoiding the internet for the last eight months, mostly because i forgot that this web page exists. hello. i am wade boggs of baseball fame.

i came onto the internet tonight to register my distaste at modern cinema. i've been seeing a lot of cine during these dogg days of summer, and i have been left with a bitter taste in my mouth from all the dark chocolate i've been eating. also, the movies are not very good.

list of complaints number one: the pirates of the caribbean at world's end

1. the pirates of the caribbean were only at world's end for ten minutes maximum. talk about your false advertising. a more fitting title would have been "the pirates of the caribbean at a giant pirate castle full of pirates," or mayhaps "the pirates of the caribbean fighting an enormous woman in a whirlpool."
   
2. not a single pirate in this movie had an eye patch, leading me to believe that these are not truly pirates at all. perhaps they are just bugaboos (citation needed).
3. did walter disney just forget about the pirate ghosts from episode i? where is the continuity?
4. not a very satisfying film experience overall.

list of complaints number two: shreck the third

1. i did not like this movie very much. to my recollection, there were maybe only two fart jokes, and I would like to see more jokes about farts. do you remember the first shreck? there were metric tons of fart jokes. if you did not like one fart joke, you did not have to worry because there would be another one coming right up on a steaming hot platter. also, the plot is becoming convoluted. where did this cat come from? i do not remember him from the first shreck. it's like they decided, okay, this movie works so we should replace pilocchio the dog with a stupid swordfighting cat. was pilocchio the dog in the first shreck movie? i can't remember. that might have just been a dream i had. anyway, i didn't see shreck the second so i couldn't follow this one.
   

list of complaints number 3: spiderman 3

1. i can't complain about this movie.
2. director sam raimi tackles the difficult racial issues plaguing society today.
3. as we are in a time of great prosperity (see also: spiderman is popular with the ladies and the gents), black culture takes over and we're left with a smoking mess.
4. there is a funny scene involving a tap dancing man.
5. spiderman needs to overcome the black influence on him, so he reconciles with a lot of his white friends (see also: kristen dunst and james dean) and they team together to snuff out that menace.
6. did you know kirby puckett stole my four year streak as batting champion? it's the truth. leads you to wonder, what else did he steal?
   
7. i'm not racist, but am i right you guys?

anyway, those are the movies. if i were a fat guy and a skinny guy, i would say two thumbs down. i am looking forward to oceans 11 3, the bourned identity 3, and rush hour 3. hopefully they will set this summer in the right direction.