guess who?

it's me, wade boggs, blogging on the old blogbox. i want to apologize again for my uncomfortable use of the capitalizations lock in my previous post. i have not used a computer since my days at hillsborough community college, and back then i had to use a complicated system of levers, pulleys, and punch-cards. it will take a bit of time to get used to these boards of keys.

the first time i turned invisible, i was twelve years old.

it was my second year in the fifth grade on account of the teacher enjoying the pleasure of my company. unfortunately i could not reap the obvious benefits of such an arrangement, as i was born the runt of the litter. marcus and jamie--my twin brothers (more like twin bothers, lol)--were strapping and fit. the first picked for the football team. meanwhile i was small and husky. as such, i was picked on by my inferiors in the fifth-grade class.

one day, out on the playground, baxter coleridge took a break from his intramural tackle football tourney to visit the game of jacks currently being played by myself and my compatriots, kyle lazwinsky and jan torkleton. next thing i know, jan has a faceful of dirt and kyle has an assful of his own underoos. i was in for some equally dreadful treatment, and my only hope was that i could become invisible.

i closed my eyes and i wished and i wished and i wished as hard as i knew how. the next thing you know, baby jesus came down and lo he said: "thou art a special child, wade boggs. in the future you will inspire millions of children and become a major league hall of famer. with the power vested in me, i hereby grant you the superpower of invisibility and all of the perks that go with it."

well i did indeed turn invisible, and i booted my left cleat so far up baxter coleridge's tuckus that he had sod coming out of his mouth hole. ever since that recess i've been sure to say my prayers and brush my teeth every evening.